This last year has been an experiment of sorts. In January when everyone else was figuring out their New Year's Resolutions, I set aside one thing: to make it a point to say "yes" to a number of things that I have routinely said "no" to over the course of 35 years.
There wasn't really a method to that plan. I didn't set out and write down a list of all the things I needed to check off before any specific time. Rather, I decided that I would pay close attention to my internal world and listen to the things in which I said, "No, I can't do that" or "That really has just never been me." Statements asking a response of me in which my immediate reaction was to ignore, justify, qualify, or resist. In becoming aware of those statements and stances, I wanted to be able to challenge myself to confront either the why behind the belief and/or ultimately step out of my comfort zone and embrace the challenge of the "no."
This experiment has actually been quite fun. While the challenges have ranged from dealing with time and my dating life, ultimately I found my largest resistance in my beliefs surrounding physical activities. Earlier this year I joined a gym with this "no, not me" in mind and I have really come to enjoy dancing (due to Zumba an high intensity aerobic-like workout), weight lifting, and running.
In fact, as a part of a work-related fitness challenge (we're playing Biggest Loser at work), I ran the Fun Run in the recent Tulsa Run. Do you know that I have never run a mile in an organized event? Memories of grade school and never being able to run the mile in P.E. overpowered my thoughts as I ran over the finish line. Jessica McCargar just ran a mile. In front of thousands of people. Beating little 3rd graders. Even now it makes me smile.
I believe there's a significance to embracing the yeses of our defaulted nos. In fact, I believe that there's probably a lot more that the Lord would do with our lives if we stopped living out of old patterns of beliefs. Though I firmly believe in identifying sin patterns in our lives to bring about change, I think identifying patterns that ultimately keep us one-dimensional in our approach to life is equally vital. I think it's much harder for the Lord to use me when I'm constantly saying "no, that's not me." Who says? Doesn't He get to tell me who I am in Him? Isn't it His power working through me to change me, complete me for the works He has called me to do?
It's a challenge to live beyond old patterns and ways of living life. I'll be honest, even in the ease and excitement of finishing the 2k last weekend, people were telling me that I needed to try the 5k. And do you know my first internal response?
"Ah, no I'm not sure about that? What about all the foot problems of my younger years? Better to be safe than sorry." Amazing isn't it? Change does not come easily.
And with that, I decided that the 5k in the upcoming Route 66 Marathon it is. You see, I want to be a woman who embraces the Lord's thoughts for her life rather than her own. I don't want to live out of who I think I am but the woman the Lord is shaping me to be. And hopefully, with each passing day of surrender to Him, I'm becoming more and more like Christ.
